I started smoking when I was 12.
If I count properly, that’s more than 20 years. Maybe 22. I didn’t really keep track. It just became part of life.
Before IVF came into the picture, I never really thought much about it. I just smoked. Like how people eat, drink, hang out. Nothing special.
Then this whole idea of having a child came in.
And somehow, one old memory came back.
Last time when I was younger, I would come home after smoking. My mom would ask me, “Why do you smell like burnt garbage? You smoke ah?”
Of course I denied it. I said it was someone else.
But deep down, I knew. Smokers smell. And not in a good way.
There was a period I tried to quit before. I even started noticing the smell from other smokers. It was strong. Unpleasant. But I didn’t manage to stop.
This time was different.
The image in my head was very simple.
Holding my baby.
And I knew one thing very clearly.
I don’t want my child to smell that on me.
No big speech. No complicated thinking.
Just that.
So we decided to quit.
Together.
Not easy.
First few days felt like watching your favourite food right in front of you when you’re starving, but it’s always out of reach.
There were moments the thought came in. Maybe just one stick.
But lucky for me, my wife was very determined. She held her ground, and somehow that pulled me along.
At the start, I just ignored the craving. Then just tahan.
I kept telling myself — don’t waste the effort. This is for our baby.
As we moved into the IVF phase, something shifted.
It felt like all my chips were already on the table.
At that point, cigarettes just didn’t feel important anymore. Not strong enough to stay in my circle.
And slowly, it became easier.
After quitting, everything changed.
My breathing, my voice, my awareness. Even how I enjoy food.
Simple things also different. In Malaysia weather, smokers always end up sitting outside — hot, dusty, uncomfortable.
Now I just go for clean indoor tables with air conditioning.
Even my wallet felt the difference.
No more buying cigarettes. No more carrying lighter. My pockets felt lighter too.
Looking back, quitting wasn’t just about IVF.
It felt like a jackpot.
I even told my wife — even if IVF didn’t work, but we managed to quit smoking, that alone is already a win.
Because honestly, if IVF never came into our life…
I don’t think I would have quit.